German Butt Plugs

..goal, but still concedes two!

Champions League Final
Bayern Munich 0 2 Inter Milan

A headline writers dream eh? I am only suprised I came up with it before Jim Beglin. He,he.

I decided to watch the game on ITVhd, only because Virgin don't carry Sky's HD Sports Channels (yet), and once you have seen a game in HD - you never go back to Standard Def. Trust me. Roll on the World Cup! Accompanied by a bottle or two of Peru's finest Cusquena beer, I was ready to roll.

The first thing I noticed was all that tip-ex that someone had spilt on the touchline in the Bernabeu, what were all those swirls about and what did they contribute to the game? I am guessing not a lot. It looked like they were just using up the rest of the paint used to mark the pitch. I had also decided to plump for Inter before kickoff, although Italian football has never been one to keep you awake at night, they had been playing the better football throughout the tournament. I only wish now I had been brave enough to wager a dollar or two.

While the predominant shirt of choice for those in the crowd appeared to be white, it was certainly a case of "one size definately doesn't fit all" for some of the Bayern players. Try before you buy obviously doesn't apply to football shirts.

While the Dutch & South American players clobbered each other out of the game, there were more grey hairs on Mourinho's head than an entire box set of Last of the Summer Wine. Bayern had a lot of the play and tried to play like an Italian side until they conceded - lots of build up play, but on this occasion it didn't build up to anything. After that it was too late and Inter were very un-Italian in their approach which probably went in their favour. The "Chosen One" took no notice whatsoever of his technical area, one of the many things that you might want to thump the bloke for, but the football world would be a much less boring place without him.

Howard Webb did a decent job in the middle, little or no simulation, but Robben does get higher marks for his diving than he does for those disgusting flourescent boots. Chivu was allowed to wear a head guard and neglect to tie it up properly. It does cover more scars than a Glasgow Hospital on a Friday night though, and fair play to him for playing football the same season as having Brain Surgery. Not many people could do that, someone should give him a medal! Oh yes. He just won one.

Sneijder's free kicks are very dangerous as is Milito who is a good bet at 28-1 to be Top Scorer at the World Cup. Thankfully neither of them are in the same half of the draw as England. Marco "Nutter" Materazzi has far too many tattoo's. One of them is a woman's lips on his neck, or is it just the imprint left by a relative of Zinedine Zidane?

Jim Beglin for reasons only known to him, referred to Inter as FC Hollywood, Mourinho blubbed at the final whistle, some fat adrenalyn fuelled Italian nearly fell off a seat when his team scored their first goal, and as ususal there was a flare fire at the top of the stand, and to top the lot Goran Pandev looks spookily like Gavin McCann.

In more football adverts, Roger Milla can still dance at 58 and he still looks the same as he did when he scored those goals against Colombia in Italia'90. No embarrasing family weddings in that houehold! At full time ITV showed that 3 minute Nike advert where Wayne Rooney lives in a caravan and Christiano Ronaldo appears on The Simpsons. Catch it if you can - there is nothing else like it.